If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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