i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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