Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
