Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
