i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?