they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.