Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dignity is for republicans.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.