So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.