If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
