i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
