The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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