If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
