I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
