my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
