I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
