Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's blow job season.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
