I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
