I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
