If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
