i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
