I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
