I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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