I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
