I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
