There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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