So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
