Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
