so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
