I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Dick very happy bro
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
