we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
