Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
