Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize