How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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