I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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