My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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