Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize