Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
