I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
