god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
