I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
