You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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