I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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