i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
