im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
