He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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