for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
