i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
