Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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