Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
