Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
