so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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