I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
