did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
