omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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