i barfeds in our rink
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
