He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
