Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
