If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
