Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
