...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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