So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
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We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
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So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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