Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
