I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
