Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
