In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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