Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize