Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
