I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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