is your mom at the bar?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
