just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
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He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
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The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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