she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
