I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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