Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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