I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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