Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
vagina is talking i cant
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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