I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
