Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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