girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
