Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
