I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
