My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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